Bring It

 

It is a well documented fact that I am insane.  

But only if you are someone who thinks a Disco Ball

or a Diamond is insane.

In which case, just refer to me as "mufti-faceted".

So when Big Funny Kid wanted to invite a dozen or so of his friends over for a New Year's Eve party, I said "Sure!"  We were planning a get together anyway - let's add more kids!

But I am also a Mom.  So there are some clear-cut rules.  BFK is cool with that.  In fact he is a little bewildered as to why I have such clear-cut rules.



DUH!

I used to be a teenager.  

Thank god  I have since regressed and am now simply a toddler.

And BFK has a heart almost as Big as his Funny.  And he wanted to simply invite everyone in the world that he has known or will ever know.  He was worried that someone would feel bad for not being invited.

And I had to be a hard-ass and say no.  12 kids.  For 2012.  All are allowed to spend the night and in fact are encouraged to spend the night because I don't want them or their parents on the road after midnight. 

I have snacks and hats and sodas for the evening and 3 pounds of bacon, 3 dozen cinnamon rolls and 36 eggs for the morning.


I have a killer tiara and have been practicing my Very Best Demure Face should I be asked to come sing Sister Christian on Rockband.

"What is that, children?

Oh, I couldn't possibly come sing for you.

No really.  You mustn't be so insistent.

I am a lady."

Ringing in the New Year with a dozen teens?  Bring it.

Time Out

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 29TH


I woke up. I cleaned.  I cleaned some more.

I cooked, I cleaned.

I cooked again.

Then I cleaned.


What am I????  Donna Reed?????

Big Funny Kid was off to see a movie, Small Fry was incessantly playing video games and Little Miss is preparing her room for a new paint job.

Sooooo.....I *finally* sat down and cracked open one of the books that I got for Christmas.  "The Element" by Sir Ken Robinson.  I do love me some Sir Ken.  I saw him speak a few years ago and can honestly say that his philosophy and wisdom (and humor) was the missing link that made me decide to get my Masters in Education.

A few moments later Big Funny Kid came home and looked at me funny.  "Are you OK?"

"Yes, I think so."

"You look......weird.....or mad."

I thought about that observation and said "Oh - you are not used to me sitting down and reading a book."

"That's what it is!"

Good lord.  I went back to reading until some appliance beeped (the laundry and the dishwasher love to beep) and I sighed and set my book down to resume whatever dharma awaited. 

I didn't get back to my book for the rest of the day but I *did* manage to pop by D-Gang's place for a visit.  The little ones were in bed but a few minutes after I arrived the door opened and The Boy Whose Eyes Reach Into My Soul emerged, with a big ol' "Am I Gonna Get Away With This" grin on his face.

He got away with it and I had a little lap time with him while he had a very animated and somewhat stern talking to the Nutcracker across the room.


Being around D-Gang and her family is definitely time well spent. 
 


P.S.  If you are curious about Sir Ken Robinson, you can check out his TED talk here.  It is about 30 minutes - it is worth your time, I promise.

Make Her Say Bad Words

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 28TH


8 bajillion hours at the Cell Phone Provider store.

All because Santa brought Big Funny Kid a certificate good for an iPhone.

Thanks, Santa.  Your work is done. You are totally chilling at the North Pole with your feet elevated and your reindeer are asleep.

*I* have to go to the Cell Phone Provider store 

and make this Christmas Miracle come through.

We got there and it was FILLED with people with really, really, really dumb questions while 2 employees of questionable intelligence tried to negotiate through their moments. 

Even though BFK was close enough to me to step on my feet several times, we just texted each other.  And we did a mental force-push at each and every person who walked through the door.

Damn you Santa.  Why must I endure all those things that don't occur naturally in your workshop??????

We got through it.

And our texts were hilarious.

BFK got his new phone.  It has a "host" that will talk to you.  I believe her official name is Siri.

So we got in the car and I told him, "The first thing I better hear from Siri is 'What Up (expletive)?"

BFK blushed and explained that his phone won't say such a thing unless I texted it to it. 

Pssssht.  Had it texted before I even started the car's engine.

His phone "spoke" the words that I sent.

Big Funny Kid and I laughed until we couldn't see straight.

Moments

Moments happen.  

If you are lucky you get to catch most of them in your hands.

The first Moment of the day was getting a phone call at 5:00 this morning from My Favorite Sister.  Barf Vader was....I dunno.....breathing weird?  Making strange coughing noises?

I didn't really need the particulars....I got in my car.

Dad was there holding her.  My Favorite Sister was racing around like a mad person.  I looked at Barf Vader and gave her my signature "Dinosaur" greeting.  Usually I get some kind of response from her.  But I got nothing.

I kicked a bunch of crap out of the path of the doorway and off they went to the ER.

I don't fret in a crisis.  Fretting does no one any good.  And my job was to hold down the house and be there for Cupcake.

Bottom line:  Croup.

Been There.....sat-in-a-steamy-bathroom-with-a-baby Done That.

It seems like Hell if you are a new parent.  

They got back.  Cupcake was still asleep.  I hissed at the cat and gave a dinosaur RAWR to Barf Vader.  She didn't smile but she did give me her signature "look".  And she reached out her arms for me.  I held her for a moment and gave her back to her mom who was apologizing and thanking me.

I hissed at the cat one more time and then took off.

TONS to do and I was soooooo pleased to find out that D-Gang and the females of her peeps were also running errands nearby.  So I met up with them.

And that was awesome.  

The Girl Who Has My Heart held my hand.  I rather like having my hand held.  If for no other reason, it keeps me from running out into the street in front of cars.

Meanwhile, Big Funny Kid, Little Miss and Small Fry are all together at last.  Ham was consumed.  Presents were opened.  Laughter abounds.

And That Man I Love gave me a Toilet Seat.  

Which I totally wanted.  

Installation may be a different matter entirely.

Here is the bottom line.

(go ahead and click.  24 seconds of your life.
And although that is MY philosophy
the smile at the end is a smile I get from BFK all the time!)

Forever Young

Baaaaaaa Haaaaa Haaaaa Haaaaaa.


Hoffman would kill me if he knew I posted this picture on my blog.


Tonight I saw my beloved Hoffman - haven't exchanged hugs with this guy for a looooooong time.  But he was VERY much a part of my High School Life.  Hoffman was his nickname then and it is now.  In fact Hoffman was also a verb and an adjective back in the day.  "Hoffman Party" was a way to describe a party.  "Are you gonna Hoffman?" was a way to inquire if one was going to a Hoffman Party.

Don't get me wrong.  We didn't just party all through high school.  We also.......danced.  And wore costumes.  And "dated" each other even though most of the core girls knew that these core guys were gay.

And I loved me some Hoffman then.  

And I still do.

Oddly, tonight the conversation tonight turned to our parents.  Whom we have ALWAYS referred to by their first names.  Back in the day, it was almost a form of cynicism.  But tonight we all laid down the list of ailments, strokes, and even deaths that have transpired to those people who put up with our shenanigans oh so long ago.



GASP!

It occurred to me that I was roughly Big Funny Kid's age when I met Hoffman.

And it occurred to me that I love hanging out with Big Funny Kid's friends.


GASP AGAIN.....


And it occurred to me that a bajillion years from now, he might be sitting at their local haunt.  FLO-rence, Squirrel, The One I Want to Hug, Murrbeth, Spaz the Pirate, Mini D-Gang, Quiet One, Shiny Happy Glitter Boy.........  all those kids I love so well........ may be inquiring how *I* am doing.

sigh

I can only hope that Big Funny Kid will be proud to report that I am performing to Standing Room Only crowds at an Old People home in the Catskills.  Singing "Sister Christian" 4 times a week.  While D-Gang and Hutch perform as my backup dancers.

While My Mother makes us all Spaghetti-O's.


Cuz here is the secret, my friends.

link to song   (the 80's were hilarious)
yes click there My Mother.

Fill Up The Good Plates

Someone should check underneath that pile

for a gift card

Or a small child

Sunday, December 25th

2 Christmases needed to be executed today.  In two different states.

I myself was in 1 state - a state of Resignation.

And I got through the first Christmas and headed to the second.  My plan was to get there a little early and help My Mother with Christmas Day dinner.

Many families have turkey or ham but we have MEAT - and a ton of it.

So I got to My Mother's house and it was quiet.  A little too quiet.  It is 4:00 - we are supposed to eat at 4:30 and.......um......let's just say that stuff wasn't in the state it should be.  The tables looked lovely.  Dad was hauling up chairs from the basement and all the dishes were set out.  The good ones.

But My Mother was on a nebulizer.  And the meat was still in the refrigerator.  Actually most of the evening's feast was still in the refrigerator....and it occurred to me that perhaps My Mother isn't Wonder Woman and maybe even though she has been out of the hospital for a couple of weeks, she maybe should not have taken on a giant dinner for 20 people.

So I found an apron and rolled up my sleeves.

She had found a recipe for a sauce she wanted me to make.  Only it called for shallots and she bought leeks.  It called for garlic gloves and she has powdered garlic.  It called for beef stock and she had bouillon cubes.

sigh

Let us be clear, I make fun of My Mother's cooking all the time.  But this is not one of those times.  The poor woman was waaaaaaaay out of her league and the sad thing is that this meal is totally normally in her league.  Normally.

 
The  rest of the gang showed up and we got it done.  It was served up hot.  I think people enjoyed it....I didn't really sit down.  Which is fine.  Hell, My Mother hasn't sat down to a hot meal for over 40 years. 


I found myself asking myself (as I have for the entire month of December) WHY DO WE ALL PUT OURSELVES THROUGH ALL THIS CRAP?  And when I say WE I mostly mean all the WOMEN.......Shopping, lists, decorating, baking, driving around, spending money we don't have..........WHY?????


I don't really have an answer except for the fact that for many of us, we do what we do because that it how it has always been done.  There is a comfort in tradition.  There is a certain excitement in sharing a meal with your WHOLE giant, wacky, crazy family.   On the good plates.  The ones that all those people before us have eaten on.  The people that many of us never met.

And there is a certain level of peace in knowing that eventually other people will be gathering and eating long after you are gone.  On the good plates.

Hanging with My Peeps

I heart my family.

So here we are:  Yours Truly, My Favorite Sister, My Mother and Dad:  doing the traditional Christmas Eve family paparazzi session.

We are rather adorable.  

We pose for a Family Picture every single Christmas eve.  

Here is one from the 80's.  (obviously)

Dad doesn't look so jolly.  I think he was still adjusting to the fact that I had shaved off one side of my head.  My Favorite Sister looks like she has had a stroke but if you look closely you may notice that I have her in a death grip with both hands so I had probably just told her that Santa isn't coming.  And My Mother looks.......rather Saintly.

That's odd.  Because of all the people in that photo that I gave the most amount of trouble to, it was her.

I already paid tribute to the Holy Trinity that is Dad and his brother and sister in last year's blog.  If you haven't read it....go ahead.

Anyway, I am pleased to report that these fine folks are rocking their Siblinghood once again this year:

Just like they have for over 60 years.

(Note to self:  next year get similar clothing from this picture and make them re-enact the pose.

Bonus points if I can get my Aunt to show off her knees)

I rather enjoyed a great deal of hang time tonight with Barf Vader who was wearing the I Heart Santa outfit I got her.  And believe you me, I thought long and hard about switching the last three letters around to see if anyone noticed.

And I also told Cupcake that I will NOT pose in a picture with her.

I also told her that tomorrow was NOT Christmas.  It is Don't Wear Underwear Day.

(My Favorite Sister is gonna kill me for that one.)

I Needed A Hug

So I got one....actually I got 6.
And one that I can administer any time I want.

Friday, December 23rd

So today was rather an arduous and yucky day and in the end I found myself needing a hug.  My plans with D-Gang for the evening changed but I didn't see any reason not to invite myself over in hopes of a hug.

Plus I had that NASTY candy that My Mother makes to deliver.

It is called Divinity and in my opinion it is disgusting but D-Gang loves it and My Mother loves making it. 

Out of idle curiosity, I Googled this stuff.  It first appeared in American cookbooks in 1915.  Although it’s not verifiable, food historians believe that the candy got its name from the taste: most likely someone referred to the confection as “divine.”

I think it tastes like butt.

So D-Gang got her Divinity and I got my hugs from all five of those people in the top photo.  Plus one from D-Gang.  

They also gave me that red cloth under their picture.  It is a meditation shawl from Nepal commonly referred to as a Pashmina.  It is made from fibers of the mountain goats of the Himalayas who know a thing or two about being cold.  And so this particular Pashmina should keep me warm.

And I will wrap it around my arms and shoulders like a hug - anytime I feel that I need one.

And I will think lovingly of D-Gang's wacky, wonderful family and how nice they are to me and how they truly are Divine.

sigh

And A Good Time Was Had By All

Here we are being silly.

Here we are being serious.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22ND

OK - actually we were just plain silly.

So My Pretend High School Sweetheart came over for another Super Supper Party and, as usual, brought a few friends who quickly became my Very Favorite People.  2 Hilarious Sisters and his new "beau" (his word, not mine.......I would call him My Pretend High School Sweetheart's Actual Sweetheart but that might be too long of a nickname...... so I am considering Dr. Potato Patter as an alternative.)

Aaaaaaanyway - tonight's food theme was Rustic French and I made some amazing chicken

On the one hand, this is a photo of raw chicken

On the other hand - can't you just almost smell the AWESOME?

(recipe courtesy of Thank You Kevin)

I also put together some delicious appetizers:

4 kinds of Brie

Puff Pastry

No Yet Baked.

(recipe courtesy of My Wife)

And we had potatoes fried in duck fat.  And there are no pictures because they were simply too busy being inhaled to pose for a photo.

It was a lovely evening.  Big Funny Kid held his own and was enjoyed by all.  That Man I Love did the dishes, even though I didn't ask him to.

Aaaaaand - we all ended up in the basement playing Rockband.

Big Funny Kid Facebooked:  "Playing rockband with a bunch of 40 year olds is so different then playing rockband with teens... Save me." 

Pssssht.  He loved every minute of it!  

It was a lovely way to launch the impending holidays.  

Friends, food and laughter.  My Favorite Things.

Shine On

So, I got my final grades today for my first semester of Grad School. 

4.0.

But I am waaaaaaaaay not out of the woods.  My goodness I have so many tests and clearances and papers and observations and pedagogy........

So 4.0 is nice, but I am about to get REAL on this thing.  Paper due Jan 3rd and Big Girl classtime starting Jan 16.  High Needs schools.  ELL case study.  Then full-time classroom work in the Spring.

I like the hands-on stuff.  But for every hands-on situation comes a giant paper.  It's cool.  It is what we call the "Reflective Cycle".  You can't just do stuff without analyzing it.  And you can't just analyze articles without actually doing stuff.



IN THE MEANTIME..........



It is frickin' Christmas.  This photo sums up the total effort that That Man I Love has given to Christmas.

It is a couple of pilsner glasses that I suggested he wash.

Then I provided him with the packaging.

So he can give it to some co-worker.

MEANWHILE - here is what I have been up to:

And, no.  This isn't a contest.  This is merely an exercise in awareness.  

Children, Family, Extended Family, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Divorced People Situations..........

The Holidays are too crazy.
But you have to carve out what is important.

As such, I have been cooking and cleaning with Joyful Abamdon in my heart in anticipation of tomorrow night's Super Supper Party.  The marinating chicken smells divine.  Garlic, figs, capers, spanish olives, sundried tomatoes, olive oil, Cabernet vinegar/Olive Oil........

Sooooooo.......

Here is to Me (for now):

  Shine on,

you Crazy Diamond.

Suddenly......UGH!!!!

Silly me.  

I planned on chilling for a few hours today.

I figured I had a head start on the Christmas thingie and my "parties" don't start for another day.  Big Funny Kid says he's "got it" in terms of his finals.  Rehearsal wasn't until 3.

But I woke up screaming.

At first I thought the Christmas tree was on fire.  Seriously.


Then I guess I fell back asleep and I dreamed that there was this thick Bile-Like Goo dripping from the ceiling.  And all of the toilets.

I woke up For Real and my jaw hurt.

I shook it all off and got Big Funny Kid ready for school.  The Dog We Named After a Porn Star went outside.  I wiped the sleep from my eyes and started breakfast.  And logged onto 2 computers.  Only to find out that the internet was down again.  Breakfast burned.

I got back from school and went back to the task at hand.

I had just barely gotten the network running when I found out that I had an IMMEDIATE interview with a new school. 

And I got a 97% on my Final Giant Paper.  (YAY)

And My Favorite Sister wanted to meet for lunch.

at the FREAKING MALL

FOR REALZ????

Suddenly I was in the car and off to the mall.  When I finally found a parking space and raced inside, Cupcake and Barf Vader were on Santa's lap.  My Mother was about to open a can of Whup Ass at Panera because there were no tables, Cupcake was running around screaming "Ni Ni Monster" and Barf Vader just gave me this "Are You Kidding ME????" look.

I shot her the same look.  She wanted to be on my lap and I fed her God Knows What from a plastic spoon.  She smashed things with her little hands.  Her feet were cold.  My Mother looked exhausted.


I raced off to rehearsal. I decided to get there early to finish up all the school-y things I needed to do.  D-Gang was quick to let me know that the Holiday Program was taking place in the theatre but I could join her in the booth. 

I did.

I haven't seen her for awhile and I peered through the window at Child #3 who was not singing and not looking at her conductor.  But she managed to spy me in the spot light window and waved.  Her mama had done candy cane colored beads in her hair.  It took 3 hours.

And suddenly it was rehearsal time. The breakfast and lunch thing hadn't worked out so well so I texted Big Funny Kid to bring me some chips and he did.

D-Gang  staged a pretty darn cool scene, if I do say so myself.  (and I do.)



sigh.  Suddenly it is Christmas.



OK.....  I leave you with this:

the audio

My Dance Card is Filling Up

 

This day was shit.  Dark, tarry, hardened shit.

There.  I said it.  And My Mother will admonish me.

BUT - I am noticing that there are a few fun things coming up over the course of the next 10 days.  

Cathy Rigby is having a "holiday coffee" which is a "cookie exchange" or "bring diapers for the homeless" or something.  I am not quite clear about the whole deal but I like coffee and cookies and diapers, so I am game.

And My Pretend High School Sweetheart has put together an impromptu dinner party at my place and I am having fun putting together the menu (Rustic French).  Oh and he has a new beau that I get to meet.  And he is bringing two other friends that I think I remember.  I like having Super Supper Parties with him.

D-Gang and I have a date.  We call it a "hall pass".  She suggested that we see the local theatre company's rendition of "A Christmas Carol".  Thank god she was joking.

Oh and we have 5 - yes 5 Christmases this year.  Seriously.  And ok, I am not actually looking forward to all 5 of them.  But a couple should be nice.

Oh and another dear friend from high school is going to be in town and I haven't seen him forever and he is delicious and we are going to get together. 

And there are some stirrings about having a New Year's Eve party here at Chez Loco.  Hutch would be in on that one.  

And I am contemplating a new flavor for my Holiday Candied Bacon.  It may or may not involve jalapeno.

  

Lest Ye Be Judged

So mostly, in Life, I observe.

Always, in life, I participate.

Rarely, in life, do I Judge.

Right off the bat, I must admit that I don't ascribe to an Organized Religious Format per se.  But as it pertains to Western European-Based theology, I kinda like two particular tenements:

Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You.

and
Judge not, lest Ye be Judged.

But I was a wee bit nervous tonight because I was going to a Mega Church for a Teen Talent Show.  (Big Funny Kid was playing in his band at said Churchy Talent Show.  And against my better Judgment, I let him participate even though he has 2 finals tomorrow.)


And I didn't know what to wear.  I changed my clothes a thousand times.  Didn't want to show cleavage, didn't want skulls to be an issue, didn't want to offend.  So I wore all black with my Angel Wings sweater.

Plain boots.



I got to the Mega Church and I gotta tell you that the Teen Center was GINORMOUS.  I delivered my unwrapped toys to the Toy Drive and made my way into the space.  And it was filled to the rafters with teens and families.  And they have better sound and lighting equipment than most equity-waiver theatres I have been in.  I found a place on a VERY comfy leather theatre chair and sat quietly.


I contemplated the concept of Judgment and worked very hard on not Judging the scene.

People seemed happy.  Sugary drinks were abundant.  Teens were teens.  Everyone looked so clean and shiny.  Not in a Bling-Bling way.  Just in a Shiny Happy People way.


I wasn't made to feel uncomfortable except for that One Lady who gave me a crusty look when I went to the table to grab some popcorn.  In retrospect, I think she was a Churchy Food Lady and she knows everyone and she realized I was not part of the situation and she just wanted to make sure that her popcorn wasn't squandered. 


The boys followed a film of a slam poet who did a piece on Original Sin.  He was a very good slam poet and the film was well produced.  Personally, I think the Original Sin issue might be a bit over top to begin with and so to hear it in a Slam Poetry context was a bit.....interesting.

 The boys did well 

(even though their song was about teenaged lust.  

Perfect way to follow the Original Sin thingie

hee hee)

Oh - I forgot to mention that the "theme" for the deal was "Ugly Sweater".  As such the building was FILLED with folks wearing surreal sweaters. The emcee's rawked their Ugly Sweaters and told really bad holiday jokes.  They certainly were enthusiastic about their ministry and I refuse to pass judgment on that.

The boys got 3rd, but only 1st and 2nd got a Pocket Bible as a prize.  The Judges told them that they did well.


It was an interesting evening.  I am hopeful that they toys I brought for the toy drive will make a child smile on Christmas day.  I am uncomfortable in the fact that Big Funny Kid should have been home studying for finals tonight but I think that an Experience is important too.


Who am I to Judge?

Halls Decked

Yeah.  Whatever.

I put out some lighting thingies.  I smashed a wreath onto the door. 

I made an AMAZING dinner.

15 Years of Nutcrackers went on display.

 

Kids were funny.

 

 The Tinsel Dance was danced.

Halls got decked.

And my "little space" in the Universe is up in effigy.



This part of the "holidays" is OK. 

This part is NOT

sigh